Im Apache, but really
thats the governments name, because they cant say Dzi igai N'dee. They will tell me
how awesome they think it is that Ive decided
to be a part of my culture. And its funny to me. It hits me really weird,
and I dont like it.
And I didnt know why
at first, but its because I havent decided
to be a part of my culture. I live it every day. Im more comfortable with
the term native, divorced from Native American. I know there are people
who use indigenous.
If there is one term I
do not like to be called, it is American Indian. And for me, to be
indigenous is to have an intimate and interconnected
relationship to a homeland. And so thats really important,
because land is, you know, tied to every aspect
of who we are. Being native in a city is
almost a daily reminder of your peoples
erasure.
Of the fact that people dont even
remember that youre here and that you exist. But what I did encounter was
just this preconceived notion that all Native
Americans are dead. Ive had older white
men come up to me and say, Oh, man, if
this was 40 years ago, I could just do whatever
I wanted to you. You know, the
cattle outside doing the work and the dog inside
the house, those are property.
Those are the black
folks in America. They are property to white men. Then the exotic antelope
on the wall or the exotic thats how natives are
perceived in America. Were treated like animals.
They monitor our blood quantum. I mean, besides
dogs and horses, I dont know of any other animal that they monitor
the blood quantum. The way I explain
it to people is, imagine a pizza with
different slices, and lets say 32 slices. Of the 32 slices, Im 28 Apache.
Thats my particular
blood quantum. And Native Americans in the
U.S. Are the only minority group who have to prove their
nativeness on an Indian card. Its used to divide native
people against each other, because it can be
used as a way to say, I am more native than you.
And I was a part of that, too. I used my 4 fourths to kind of
make myself feel better against other people. The one drop rule, meaning
that one drop of black blood makes you black, that was to
keep as many people oppressed or legitimize their
oppression as possible. But on the other side,
one drop of anything else completely dilutes you
as a native person.
So if youre a
native person, you have the one drop
of something else, then suddenly
youre less native. So its the opposite. Traditionally, within the Apache
society, you go by the mother. And if the mother is recognized
as Apache, she has her clan, the children are
unquestionably Apache.
Not in the American
context, not when patriarchy trumps matriarchy. So what does that mean? My sisters are short
1/16 of a degree. What does that mean? Does it mean their
pinkies arent Apache? What does that mean? You know, being a
mixed race person is a whole other side
of it, but thats a very common
experience in our tribe. So its not as if were
unusual in that way.
What is unusual is the
admixture of black. My grandfather actually
doesnt want people if he hears that somebody
from the tribe is coming over, he wont come out of his room. Because he doesnt want them to
know that hes that complexion, that he doesnt I guess he doesnt want me
to be affiliated with having African-American blood. But I mean, I say it.
Its not going to
change anything. If it were up to the
American government, natives wouldnt be around. Because after a certain
time, that blood will dilute. It will go out.
And so if theres no native
peoples to provide benefits, then were not obligated to
meet these treaty rights. And if were not obligated to
meet these treaty contracts, then the land is available,
the resources are available. And I think that
that essential point about our claim to
sovereignty, our claim to land, our claim to a culture,
our claim to resources is one that gets lost if we
dont insist upon the fact that we are nations. And we have taken huge
steps to decolonizing, and that proof comes
from people being able to have the opportunities
to speak their language, to be on their ancestral land.
But the thing with
decolonization is that its an ongoing process,
just like grieving, just like any loss. As much as possible now,
I try to tell people that I have a Native
American name, and maybe it doesnt
mean anything to you, but it means everything to me. My name, maybe, doesnt have a
romanticized, Hollywood Indian name, but my name has
more meaning than that. My name means that
my family survived.
My family survived disease. My family survived Catholicism. My family survived settler
colonialism, and my family, they survived. I survived.
My existence is resistance. Me saying my name
is Skiumtalx, that is resistance in and of itself..
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