Friday, November 14, 2014

China Pulls Out All the Stops for Trump The Daily Show



If you saw Trump
on the campaign, you wouldn't be crazy to think
that he was going to go to China, kick down the door,
grab their president, and shake the factories out
of his pockets. But for this visit,
China was a step ahead. You see, for them, it was time
for Operation Beijing Butter Up. REPORTER: In China,
a lavish red carpet welcome  for President Trump,
complete with honor guards.

On the motorcade route,  excited schoolchildren waving
American and Chinese flags. Donald Trump seems to be seduced by the lavish red carpet
state visit. That's something. I'm...
We're having a great time.

Okay, first of all, I don't know
if that was a red carpet or if Trump's neckties
are just getting longer. Second of all,
who were those kids? And why were they jumping?
What was going on there? But, still,
look how happy he is. Like, this is the part of being
president that he loves-- people parading for him, not having to walk, touching shiny things. That's what Donald wanted
from the presidency, not meetings
with Mitch McConnell.

And you could tell that
Trump was slowly being seduced by his new Eastern friends. The president, of course,
has had the, uh, red carpet
rolled out for him here. President Xi Jinping is trying
to flatter President Trump. They all tried to figure out,
how do you get to Trump? How do you wow him?
How do you woo him? How do you seduce him? REPORTER: President Xi Jinping
and his wife  playing tour guide,
taking President Trump  and the first lady
to Beijing's Forbidden City...

  ...And to a traditional
Chinese opera. You can see the exact moment
they told him Jackie Chan wasn't in this. But-but, shame, shame, uh, like, you've got to give
Trump props. He tried.

He went to a Chinese opera. And I-I respect that. Because I know what it's like
when a friend forces you to sit through a performance and
you can't wait for it to end. (Guitar playing)  She's a girl
and she's a friend to me   She's my lover   She's so kind to me   No one knows   Just why you would ever be
there for me   She's a girl
who's more of a Christmas tree   She's got so many gifts
for me   She's a giving, loving tree   Saba-ha!  That's kind of how
that one goes.

-It's really nice.
-Yeah. So, I have four more.
(Clears throat) Next one's kind of a rocker,
you know? You know what I mean? -You really get...
-I-I need to... I need to pee. (Laughter) That was the first time
I missed apartheid.

(Laughter, gasping) (cheering and applause) So... So, you might be watching
this whole trip and thinking, "Come on, man.
The Chinese are so dumb. "You can't play Trump.
He is The Art of the Deal. "He's not going to watch
your little show "and all of a sudden be like,
'You know what, I don't blame China.'" I don't blame China.

Wait, what? What happened to
the "China raping America" part? And-and it's one thing
to not blame them. It's another thing to praise
them for ripping America off. After all, who can blame a country for being able to take advantage
of another country for the benefit of its citizens? I give China great credit. (Applause) Wow.

I never thought I would
hear an American president tell his geopolitical adversary, "Well played, guys.
We had it coming. Yeah, we had it coming." And Trump's tone on this trip
went beyond just politeness. He praised Xi in person and even tweeted a video
for his new best friend. President Xi,
I want to thank you for an incredible,
welcoming ceremony.

You're a very special man. My feeling toward you is
an incredibly warm one. Our meeting last night was absolutely terrific.  Our relationship
with you and China  is a very important one to me.

In the coming months and years,
I look forward to building  an even stronger relationship  between our two countries,
and even closer friendships and relationships  between the people
of our countries. (As Trump): That's why President
Xi and I would be honored if you joined us
on our special day. (Laughter) We're registered at the
Ancient Ming Pottery Barn. (Laughter) Look,
if you're a Trump supporter, him letting China off the hook probably doesn't
make you feel great.

But if he really is your guy, you should also be happy
that he found love. (Laughter) Yeah, you can't deny
that this trip was magical. It felt like one long episode
of The Bachelor in China. President Xi,
I want to thank you.

Again,
you're a very special man. Our meeting last night was absolutely terrific. Our dinner was beyond that. My feeling toward you is
an incredibly warm one.

There's great chemistry, and I think we're going
to do tremendous things for both China
and for the United States. Oh! (Cheers and applause) That's all good and well
and really romantic until Trump gets home,
turns on the lights, finds Putin waiting for him
like, "Enjoy your little trip,
Donald?" -(Laughter)
-"I saw the video. -Who is Xi?"
-(Laughter).

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